i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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