He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
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I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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