Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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