Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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