Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
