Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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