I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
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