That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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