My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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