You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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