Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
