Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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