omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You smell like stripper and shame
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle