you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger