At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
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just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
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So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order