She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
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the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
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drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.