Three words: puerto rican gang bang
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.