Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
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My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
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it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.