I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn