don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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