rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Can I color on your dick again?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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