I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
40s are totally the cure
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
