it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
