I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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