i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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