Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
