pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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