Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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