I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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