What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
