All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
