I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
