I wanna bring you to show and tell
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
