i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
