yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
