glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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