I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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