Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
