WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The air was thick with penises
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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