I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
