I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize