Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
