Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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