You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
