id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
