why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
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I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
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... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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