Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
