I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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