Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
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I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
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I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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