Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize