Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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