I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize