Me. At least after what I've been through.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
