So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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