I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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