someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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