I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize