I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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