Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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