Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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