When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
