That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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