You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
