these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
