Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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