My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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